Lets Talk Parenting - The Butterfly Rule

By Priya Srinivasan - I Camp in My Kitchen - Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I have a 3 ½ years of Energy Bundle @ home. My amma used to stay “Kuzanthai valarpathu yaaagam yagyam pannara mathri” But now-a-days it is easy to do yaagam yagyam too, we have so many organisers for that, But the former is always a puzzle.

I have been reading a magazine “Emirates Parent Plus” for a quite a long time. It has good articles relating to Parenting. I came across this, one particular article The Butterfly Rule – Jack Reider. Thought of sharing with you all.

The Butterfly rule - Save your child before it is too late

Most of us carry childhood traumas made acute with the rise in child psychology. This has resulted in us trying to become the friends of our children, but not just that. We try to do everything for them under the excuse that our parents did not do these things for us. But is this the right way to bring up our children.

What is the Butterfly System?
Most know that the butterfly is a transformation of a caterpillar which itself comes from an egg. But, did you know that for the caterpillar to become a butterfly it has to form a cocoon. When it turns into a butterfly, it has to struggle to open the cocoon, and it takes them hours to manage to break that open. Once they do, they emerge, spread their wings and fly off.

If you try and cut open the cocoon to help the butterfly emerge, you will destroy it. It will be too weak to fly. So, even if you put it in front of you and even if its in your power to cut the cocoon open, you won't because you are thinking about the best interests of the butterfly.

Just like you would leave the butterfly trapped inside the cocoon, you have to learn how to let your children fight through life by themselves. Yes, at first, they will not succeed, and may even fail badly. You will want to help them. You might even know how to help them. But, please, do not!

The Toughest Part:
The lesson is easily understood, but it is very difficult to start acting like that. We, as parents, have to realize that our duty is not to have fun with them or to ensure that they succeed, but to guide them so that they learn how to succeed.

Lessons for the Future:
We have to start goading our kids to success. Yes, we all love it when our kids do well, but its more important that they learn how to succeed even if that means that they fail again and again. Sometimes, the kids do well. That is great, but again, we have to watch how they do it. If they cheat, its our duty to guide them.

This might seem trivial, but how many times have you helped your child do his or her homework or class project just so that they will get a good grade. Is that what parenting is all about? Good grades and tons of awards in the closet? No!

Remember that if your children do not learn how to succeed when they are young, they will not pick it up as they grow older.

What to Remember:
Answer the following for me: Do you want your child to do well now? Or do you want your child to succeed when he grows up? Remember that you have to choose one. If you are lucky you might get both, but what I am saying is that you have to focus your parenting on one goal only.

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  1. This is quite true especially with Asian parents.
    We try to 'help' them just to achieve things for ourselves. We try to live our dreams thro' them to the point of being overbearing.This is an eye-opener post.

  2. What a great post.I have struggled to avoid being too overprotective, and after 10 years, i guess it still doesnt get any easier.Being an only child,my son gets way too much attention from us.But when he turned ten,I let him go his own way,and he's become more open to me.Trust and constant communication really helped me not to baby my son too much :)

  3. wonderful article. with more societal pressures, we often tend to focus on goal 1 without thinking of future. we just want our kids to come 1st, secure great grades and enter some top colleges and all this because of pressures from neighbors, friends and family.


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