Its been long, since i posted parenting articles. I came across this article from April Month’s Emirates Parent Plus Magazine. Nice one, i liked it, tell me your views on this!!!
Parenting is definitely a tough job. It’s not just about fending for our kids, it’s a tougher ball game altogether. The responsibilities that come along with parenthood are endless. There’s feeding, washing and reading the same book about bunnies over and over to a child. Plus, making enough money to provide food, shelter and coveted designer jeans; changing diapers (or finding someone else who will): and juggling between all this you have your 9 to 6 job to keep up.
How as parents we balance all these acts and imbibe good values in our kids is what is perfect parenting is all about. One of the most important factor in this so called ‘perfect parenting ‘is – raising confident kids to face all the adversities in life. There are many territories kids have to venture unchartered. Kids learn from your actions and hence you need to be their bellwethers and lead on.
CONFIDENT MOMS AND DADS = CONFIDENT CHILDREN and this, above all else, is the very foundation which will determine the future success or failure of your children. As parents you have an enormous impact on your child’s emotional development. Kids respond to encouragement, praise and clear expectations. They thrive in an atmosphere where faith and family are strong. It takes confidence to be a Kid. Whether going to a new school or stepping up to bat for the first time, kids face a lot of uncharted territories, Naturally, parents want to instill a can-do attitude in their kids so that they can bravely take on new challenges and, over time, believe in themselves. While each Child is a little different, parents can follow some general guidelines to build kids confidence.
Faith vs. FearIf fear is at the forefront of our minds while raising our children, it will dictate our choices, and we will raise fearful children. The world can be a scary place, but if we believe that God is in control pout children will see us leading with the sense that God is bigger than any problem we face, and they will know security.
Trust vs. Control As our children try sports, music, art and other activities they discover their interests and abilities. We want out children to reach their full potential, but we must resist the temptation to form our children into our image. We cannot take a soccer player and make her a dancer just because she is petite, nor can we take a drummer and put him on the defensive jus because he is large.
We can be firm on issues of right and wrong, but we must be open and flexible when it comes to our children’s gifts. Nature has wired your child in a uniquely individual way. It’s not fair to impart our hope and dreams into their vocational choices.
Love vs. Perfection When we tell our kids what they mean to us, when we correct them privately instead of publicly, when we make time for them and expect great things from them, we pass on a legacy of confidence to them.
We confuse and stress our children when we expect them to make us look good; when we expect them to fulfill the dreams we never achieved; or when we expect them never to question us. The Temptation is to parent in a way sop others might think well of us. Yet the world doesn’t decide our worth or our children’s worth for that matter. When our children come to understand worth based on love, their imperfections will have less power over them. Faith, trust and love not fear, control or perfection adds fuel to a child’s esteem.
Over Parenting is based on a belief that in order for a child to be happy and secure, he must be protected from any experience he may find unpleasant or challenging, in an over-parenting family, the child comes first and most activities revolve around him. He is allowed to whatever he wants and have whatever he wants because telling him ‘no; would be unpleasant for him, he is also viewed by his parents as needing their constant vigilance and protection because the world is a scary place. The over-protected child is a protected and spoiled child, he lacks real confidence and is unable to take risks or make decision, He avoids new situations, and He hides behind his parents when a difficult challenge arises, because he has been taught by his parents that they are the only ones who can make decisions. Over-parented children may be any age but this over-parenting often becomes apparent in the middle grades of primary school when challenges start to increase.
Kicking the Over-parenting habit Your ability to break the habit of over-parenting is directly linked to your level of self-confidence. Parents who are able to allow their children to make decisions for themselves, to use their free time in unstructured play or daydreaming or to go about in the world without them, are really expressing a level of trust and confidence in the world and a belief that things will turn out all right. When a parent exhibits this level of confidence, the child will learn to be confident too. Breaking from a pattern of over-parenting may be difficult, especially if your social network and your child’s school staff endorse over-parenting, you may find yourself standing alone, or trying to fend off that peer pressure. However, if your child is to the point where he relies on you to think, plan and do for him, it is time for you to take action. When your child is faced with a challenge, give him ideas, tops or techniques to cope rather than allowing him to escape from the challenge. Help him develop a hang-tough attitude.
What are the better ways to boost my child’ self-esteem
1. Praise your child for doing a good deed or doing well at school.
2. Catch him or her doing something right, when you see him or her picking up a piece of paper, tells the child that you think they are being helpful. Thanks your child for the kindness.
3. Encourage your children by really paying attention when they show you their artwork, school papers, and other creative works, if you just give them a quick compliment and only look for a second your child can sense that you are not being sincere.
4. Applaud your children’s effort to improve. Perhaps little one jus brought her grade from a B or C up to astounding A. How should you react? We parents should not only get excited, but also perhaps give the child an unexpected reward, this is positive reinforcement.
5. Listen to your child when he or she speaks to you. Ask your children questions. As parent, we will encourage our children to develop their verbal skills. Make them know that their ideas and views are important. This also keeps the line of communication open between parent and child, which are very important when the child gets older. Children are much more willing to come and talk to a parent about their problems if they know that the parent will really listen.
Talk with your child and remember to listen too. Be interested in his friends, and successes and failures. Try to be sensitive about your child’s fears or worries, even if they seem small or silly to you. The world can seem very frightening to a small child. Show your child you take him seriously and give lots of encouragement, especially after a nasty shock or something has gone wrong. Help your child to talk through negative feelings, too.
Self-esteem is an important quality to instill in our children, but so is humility. Before praising your child without any regard for the effect that it has on him or her, think. Really think if it is warranted. Is it age appropriate to let a ten-year old win over and over? Perhaps this does more damage. Shouldn’t your child be learning a few life’s hard facts?